SPYTHINK 074: WTFO? 007 James Bond vs. Indiana Jones in "The Phantom"

The 1996 action-adventure film, "The Phantom" (TP) is ONE OF THE GREATEST MOVIES EVER MADE--along with "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (ROTLA).

Watch it and see:

https://pluto.tv/on-demand/movies/the-phantom-1996-1-1

Spoilers follow--but are necessary.

I love Minty's movie examinations on YOUTUBE; they perk you up if you've had a bad day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Urtb93Jg14

However, HE TOTALLY DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE FAILURE OF THE PHANTOM at the 1996 box office--NO, it was not too ahead of it's super hero time yadda yadda.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Urtb93Jg14

Brace yourself.

Zero Sum Original Idea Nihilism  

For some inexplicable reason BOTH ROTLA and TP are PARAMOUNT MOVIES!!!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raiders_of_the_Lost_Ark

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Phantom_(1996_film)

Yet,

TP shoots itself in-the-foot in its 1st 10x minutes DESTROYING THE IMAGE OF INDIANA JONES with 4x evil Harrison Ford clones in the Southj American jungle out to steal a skull with supernatural powers. They are so mean and evil when a young boy drives a fucking truck across a rope bridge for them ala "The Wages of Fear" the James Remar Ford clone doesn't even wink at him or say "thank-you"--nothing. These are 4x utterly evil Indy Jones shits.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

OVER?

What got into the producers and otherwise brilliant story writer to needlessly turn the entire fucking audience off by attacking the Fedora hat image of Indy Jones?

For laughs?

They couldn't have dressed the private corporation Drax (yes, James Bond villain shout out) thugs differently?

Say in COWBOY HATS?

Wide brim hats would be functionally better in the jungle.

This unwarranted attack on Indiana Jones RUINS THE MOVIE.

Finis.

That's it.

Jealousy or envy at LucasFilm?

Again,

WHAT THE FUCK.

Over?

THIS IS NEEDLESS!

There are thousands of ways the 4x thugs could have been dressed and not one of them had to look like Indy Jones.

This is clearly a case of SMART-ASS ICONOCLASM that fucking epically failed, RUINING the movie whose beginning should be cut and replaced.

Like it or not, THERE IS a Zero Sum Game afoot in the convention minds of movie audiences; there can only be ONE Indiana Jones in a fucking fedora hat. Sorry, if you copy kat SOMEONE ELSE'S IDEA (like criminal Joe Biden got through schools) you are being an asshole and the audience will reject it--like they did in 1996. The minds of sheeple cannot tolerate an evil Indy Jones unless its done with clever wit like the epic Star Trek episode "Mirror, Mirror" where alternative good & evil universes intermingled.

Breaking the 5th Wall of Disbelief

IF you can get past the awful anti-Indy Jones depictions, TP begins to kick-ass IN AMAZING WAYS making it worthy of being one of the greatest movies, ever.

I propose to you there is a 5th Wall in movies; where something supernatural is depicted within the context of normalcy. The usual BULLSHIT is to play coy and have the characters live in denial--WHICH TOTALLY FUCKING CONTRADICTS OBJECTIVE REALITY IF YOUR LIFE IS IN FUCKING DANGER and the supernatural interferes.

Spielberg does it all the time as a whiny weak Jewish pussy wimping out when the Ark of the Covenant is opened in ROTLA and all that's there is sand.

NO FUCKING WAY.

The STONE 10x Commandment tablets would not and did not turn into dust--they'd be intact saying "THOU SHALT" this and that leaving NO DOUBT THEY CAME FROM FUCKING GOD ALMIGHTY. If Spielberg had actually bothered to read the King James Bible he'd know the Ark also contained a piece of mana food God airdropped to the Israelites to fucking feed them as they escaped Egypt (a symbol of the evil world). 

Moreover this Spielberg American Jewish pussy victim complex manifesting in "Saving Private Ryan" has to stop. GO TO THE FUCKING GYM. LIFT WEIGHTS. Take martial arts classes. Learn how to shoot guns well. JOIN THE military or police. Go to fucking Israel and see how the Israelis there have a DEFENSE FORCE--not a force of whining pussies. Watch Daniel Craig's "Defiance" about the real-life Bielski brothers. FUCK ALL THIS SCHINDLER'S LIST, ANNE FRANK CRAP. FIGHT--don't be a pussy.

The mana, YES would likely be or is dust in the Ark as we speak.

What is brilliant in TP, is one of the evil Indy Jones is grabbed by a skeleton and killed by it and/or Remar's Ford clone.

REMAR SAYS CLEARLY--BREAKING THE 5th WALL--THAT THE SKELETON CAME TO LIFE AND ATTACKED HIS SUBORDINATE.

None of this is there a supernatural or not? truth pussy crap--A REAL MAN IN SUCH A SITUATION WOULD REPORT EXACTLY WHAT HE SAW AS A VITAL PIECE OF TACTICAL INFORMATION TO HIS OTHER MEN.

Wow.

FANfuckingtastic!

This screen writer knows what he is fucking doing.

Several times later, there is none of this BS faggotty tap dancing over the supernatural, IT CLEARLY FUCKING EXISTS and Drax is going for it to get it. Kit Walker/TP realizes it and goes straight to the museum to get the stone 1st before Drax. No pussy footing around by either factions.

10000% refreshing.

This breaking the 5th Wall with matter-of-factual character behavior qualifies TP as one of the greatest movies, EVER by its fucking boldness and connection to physical, objective reality.

TP is a James Bond Movie in a Costume in 1939--PRACTICALLY SHOT--not BS CGI

In camera: the New York museum curator is named [Ian] Fleming. The main villain is [Hugo] Drax. Catherine Sexy Jones flying circus of deadly armed female pilots is Pussy Galore's from Goldfinger. The twin-torpedo mini-sub is Fleming's Nazi nemesis from WW2 depicted in Commander Crabbe's "The Silent Enemy" with steam punk styling of Verne's "20, 000 Leagues Under the Sea" explaining the human destructive cause of a Bermuda Triangle-like portion of the sea. Zeta Jones appeared opposite Sir Sean Connery later in "Entrapment" and is a defacto Bond girl.  The very buff, "License to Kill" martial arts guy plays the pirate clan leader.

Behind the camera: James Bond and Indy Jones stuntman Vic Armstrong filmed half of the movie.

About 1:36:00 into the movie, Kit Walker (KW) ditches his civilian normie camouflage and becomes the purple, rubber suited guy for kinetic actions drawing all sorts of public gawking.  Starting the movie off in the South American jungle enables him to run around in the purple suit all he wants without breaking the audiences' suspension of disbelief when in urban NYC. A plot failure is when Drax's men chase Walker, he goes behind a sky scraper and ditches his clothes--later found by the thugs--and this obviously doesn't tell them Walker is TP?

When he is KW, he does not have over-whelming strength to defeat bad guys or does he not show this in order to preserve his cover?

TP's fan enthusiasm is hurt by Billy Zane not being clearly bad-ass stronger than the thugs he fights for whatever the reasoning.

TP being mostly REAL LIFE STUNTS by REAL THINGS makes it a trillion ways better than CGI crapola like wasting Scarlet Johanesen's fine breasts in the current "Black Widow" disaster. 

Serious Real Life Ramifications of TP

1. Good Must Have Guns

Sexy Kristy Swanson's uncle is a newspaper man who knows Drax is a thug--but when he tries to evict him from a fund raising party, HE HAS NO MUSCLE TO BACK HIM.

Yes, the corrupt NYC police officials are right there and side with Drax.

But what-the-fuck over?

WHEN ARE CIVILIAN FUCKING NORMIES GOING TO GET IT THAT MUST HIRE (or be their own) OWN TOUGH GUYS WHEN CLEARLY BEING THREATENED BY MOBSTERS?

It's no surprise pussy/coward POTUS Trump when not playing 6 dimensional chess let felony criminals Biden/Harris waltz into the fucking White House because he refused to arrest anyone during his 4x years for sedition/treason.

Is that just the fantasy of movies like TP?

No, fucking way.

Consider the REAL-LIFE STORY OF 1880s "TOMBSTONE".

Sheriff Wyatt Earp and his brothers and helpers got legal arrest powers and fucking GUNS and DESTROYED THE EVIL COWBOYS GANG for pussified polite society. Mark Levin's secular humanistic worship of the 1787 U.S. Constitution (USC) did not defeat nihilist Johnny Ringo--dying Doc fucking Holiday shot him D-E-A-D as his "huckleberry".

TP also brilliantly points out at the Drax proto-power point slide presentation that thugs know "power comes out of the barrel of a gun". Not so POTUS pussy, Mr. Nice Guy, Donald J. Trump. When the gangster thug breaks ranks with Drax rejecting the existence of the supernatural, he is killed by a spear like Solo (silenced gunshot) in Goldfinger.

2. Good must have Supernatural Good on its Side    

Before this, at the beginning of Drax's monologue, he states clearly: "GOD IS DEAD". This means an utter rejection of good, moral supernatural powers which contradicted the departing gangster's nominal, hypocritical Roman Catholic faith. Drax does believe in and sides with EVIL supernatural powers and states that in depression-era, WW2-already underway, 1939 all around the world a moral kollapse was underway and now is the time time to gain/assert ostensibly nuclear-level powers--exactly the fucking mess we are in today in Age of Despair 2021.  

Clearly, TP is not depicting John 3:16, King james Biblical Christianity that is the real, actual supernatural force for good on our Earth. TP has the good supernatural represented by a pagan religion KW falls into through his family lineage. TP's Skull Force does not want the supernatural stones coming together at all--much less the hands of an evil Drax. This is THE SAME BULLSHIT premise of Spielberg's ignorance in ROTLA that the Ark of the Covenant is some neutral object that can be a witchcraft token to draw on supernatural powers irrespective of its owners; GOD ALMIGHTY IS NOT AND DOES NOT BLINDLY ATTACH POWERS TO MATERIAL OBJECTS (witchcraft belief); he is HERE and he is WATCHING EVERYTHING and no fucking way is he going to blindly empower fucking evil Nazis, Bidens or the bloodline of any mortal human (Dale Brown's heresy BS). So if say the Biden Illuminati got the Ark, it would do nothing for them unless God consciously granted it to do something. BE WARNED: Satan can supernaturally empower objects to prop up the lies of witchcraft and constitutes his metaphysical bait to dumb shit sheeple. This is why God gave us the KJB to differentiate good/evil on their merits--NOT MIRACLES which evil can fake.   

3. What if Human "Authority" is Tyrannically Evil?

Another amazing thing that sets TP apart is it unabashedly shows the NYC Police Department is under the direct control of the Drax crime organization--just like Amerika is today with the Hoe Xiden Illuminati.

Notice TP isn't fighting just hired Drax gangsters--he has the supposedly societally-approved LAW attacking him.

Profound. Ponder that.

Ponder this, too--the fucking motorcycle cops did not for one fucking second question their orders to chase, find and kill TP.

The only street-wise New Yorker seeing thru this was KW's newly hired auxiliary helper, the taxi cab driver. Who yes or no just by the law of weirdness should have realized someone who looks like KW in a purple suit is...drum roll, please...KW/TP.

TechnoTactics

Seaplanes, seaplanes, see planes?

TP's depiction of seaplanes...seaplanes and more seaplanes expresses an objective physical reality truth this fake, do-nothing generation doesn't know: uninhabited places don't have fucking runways--and if you want to go there you need seaplanes be it Sir Roger Moore flying to Scaramanga in "The Man with the Golden Gun" or Edward Woodward flying to be a human bonfire at Scaramanga, ehh Christopher Lee's The Wicker Man. island. Sexy Britt Eklund was on hand for both events.   

However, note the FORCE LIMITATIONS of seaplanes--both Moore's 007 and Woodward's prudish cop came under-powered--1 is NONE; 2x is one. Moore's 007 had Eklund there already as Woodward did not and he burned alive screaming to ashes.

The Expendables 2 depiction of their twin-engined seaplane delivering unarmored wheeled vehicles for motorized attacks more powerful than hand-carried weaponry is an important fantasy that could be IRL if the seaplane is large enough. When Drax arrives at the Bermuda Triangle-like island, he is weak with only a handful of pistol-armed thugs who are picked off including himself. He attempts an allegiance with the pirates there but in a refreshing plot twist learns he has been ACTING ON INCORRECT INFORMATION as "License to Kill" martial arts guy informs him there are 4x stones with the latter needed to kontrol their collective powers.

The early chase scene of a 100 mph seaplane being caught up with by horse/wolf and Drax truck at best 20 mph thru the jungle is illogically absurd but is comic-book want-to-see so you go with it.

Automatic Weapons

TP's twin .45 ACPs each with 7x rounds are far more firepower than Indiana Jone's weak 6-shot revolver--whip or not. They reload faster, too. 2x Browning Hi-Powers with 15x 9mm rounds and a folding stock/holster would be even better yet.

Body Armor 

TP may not be overwhelmingly muscularly over-powering--but his body is supernaturally healing and resilient to battle damages. Obviously, he is mortal though, because his father was damaged beyond his TP repair capabilities.   

Heroes Need Help

TP has 2x auxiliaries--force multipliers--a supernaturally intelligent white horse for 20 mph, cross-country mobility and an attack wolf. Why he did not take them to NYC as a conscious smart tactical choice is another story fail. He did have Kristy Swanson for the 2x and the cab driver for say a 2.5x--but he should have also had a Quick Reaction Force (QRF) of a rich newspaper uncle of at least 12x armed, strong men. Did uncle serve in WW1? What about fucking common sense that the NYC government is korrupt and as a matter of SURVIVAL he needed his own men to protect his newspaper building/offices/employees? An understanding of this is marginally understood when uncle stays to mind the store and instead niece goes to South America (1x is NONE etc.)

TP when in on his home turf has the Indy Jones-like low-tech, Ewok-like, natives on his side, but the higher tech, mechanical thugs separate to a ship with Lewis light machine gun equipped, float biplanes flown by sexy femme fatales. When TP drops in on the seaplane tender, some really iconic, sexy chemistry happens between Zeta Jones and Swanson that is wonderful to see. Movie magic like this just happens. 

Dad the Ghost Wants What's Best for His Son

Patrick McGowan just after playing the intolerable hideous King Longshanks in "Braveheart" redeems himself as TP's ghost father who clearly appears and embraces his son going after a gal. Very refreshing, heart-felt and true-to-life. I didn't agree with the reset-to-the-jungle geolocation ending with a promise she would return to the jungle to marry.

Why the fuck wait?

Can't they be more effective fighting together as 2x instead of each as a 1x which is NONE?

It's the typical comic book story trope that frankly needs to go away forever. 

An Evil Person's Redemption

The 2nd thing that makes TP a remarkable, great movie is the magic which occurs when Kristy Swanson asks a REAL LIFE question of Zeta Jones:

"What is wrong with you? Why do you have to be so mean? Don't you like or love anything/someone?"

Wow.

I couldn't have said this better!

Why the fuck not?

ASK HER, WHY is she serving Drax and doing all this evil?

The question clearly "reached" Zeta Jones who almost cries.

Swanson was letting her captor know they are both decently the same--and Zeta Jones comes around and becomes a secret ally.

Wonderful.

Nice.

Uplifting story-telling.

Beautiful.

Just like Connery's 007 winning over Pussy Galore in Goldfinger.

Why must the evil people be always feel-good destroyed at movie's end?

I don't get off on it with some catharsis.

I want all people to John 3:16 and win in the end.

Summary/Conclusion

The anti-Indy Jones beginning of TP should be replaced and a new DVD version released with perhaps unused scenes to fix its entire premise.

Someone with monies independent of Illuminati studios should re-unite the cast/crew of TP and make new adventures--especially if Disney/Kathleen Kennedy are set to destroy Indiana Jones like they did to Star Wars to fuck the fans over.  

James Bond is REAL.